An unfunny mess, part of an incomplete breakfast.
I want to make a very important distinction. Jerry Seinfeld is one of the most brilliant comedians that the entertainment world has to offer. His sitcom “Seinfeld” still holds up, even by today’s standards. His directorial debut of “Unfrosted,” however, is one of the worst comedies I have ever seen. It’s based off one of Seinfeld’s jokes about the invention of the Kellogg’s breakfast pastry-the Pop Tart-but it’s all handled in such a manner that’s looks and feels like an SNL skit gone horribly wrong.
The time is 1963, Michigan, and we see the rivalry between Kellogg’s and Post cereal, and in their race to create the perfect breakfast pastry, but we also have to see a number of weird, wacky, and unfunny situations that emerges within. Seinfeld plays William Post, or as the movie likes to call him Bob Cabana, whose company Kellogg’s is under the successful leadership of Edsel Kellogg’s III (Jim Gaffigan), because of their multiple awards and lovable characters from Snap Crackle and Pop (Kyle Mooney, Mikey Day, and Drew Tarver) to Tony the Tiger (Hugh Grant).
Their rival Post, under the leadership of Marjorie Post (Amy Schumer), is developing the main breakfast project, which captures Bob’s attention after two kids (Bailey Sheetz and Eleanor Sweeney) decide to go dumpster diving at the Post factory. So, the company enlists help from NASA scientist Donna Stankowski (Mellisa McCarthy) to develop something to stay on top.
So let me get this straight. This delicious idea was conceived through dumpster diving? Why do we have cereal mascots protesting? And who said it was funny to have evil milkman (Peter Dinklage and Christian Slater) forcing Bob to run through cow farts at their dairy farm? The genre says it’s a history and biography, too, but I seriously doubt any of these things happened.
It’s 2024, and it’s been 30 years since Rob Reiner made one of the worst movies of all time “North.” It was the stupid fairy tale when then 12-year-old Elijah Wood went looking for new parents, and found himself dealing with one stereotypical and mean-spirited pair after another. And all of them were played by an A-list cast of Dan Aykroyd, Reba McEntire, and Kathy Bates. “Seinfeld” stars Jason Alexander and Julia Louis-Dreyfus played his real parents, while Bruce Willis was his guardian angel.
The point is that it was a bad movie with a great cast wasted to bottom feeder level. “Unfrosted” is basically in that same unfortunate league. You also have Max Greenfield as Marjorie’s mistreated assistant, Tony Hale as a bad ventriloquist, Jon Hamm and John Slattery in their “Mad Men” roles, Bill Burr as JFK, Bobby Moynihan as Chef Boyardee, James Marsden as the Godfather of Fitness Jack LaLanne, and even another “Seinfeld” alumni Patrick Warburton as an MC. So many brilliant talents, so many unfunny gags.
And in terms of small ideas for children being handled in a comical sense, it’s also been 30 years since the Coen brothers made the wildly under-appreciated “The Hudsucker Proxy,” which had Tim Robbins as a goofball developing the hula hoop. I think some of you people were hard on that movie, and I also think some of you people are going to think I’m hard on “Unfrosted.” But I apologize for having an opinion, especially when you’re talking to a fan of the comedy genius’ material.
Seinfeld was just part of one of the year’s best documentaries “STEVE! (martin): a documentary on 2 pieces,” when he has his conversations with the other comedy legend. “Unfrosted” is one of the year’s worst movies. If you want a better Seinfeld movie, then go back and look at “Bee Movie” and “Top Five.” They’re more refreshing than this. And in terms of food products being developed through dreams, I’ll take my chances with the Cheetos movie “Flamin’ Hot.”
☠️ Poison for the Mind (0/4)
Streaming on Netflix