The ten movies I hated, hated, hated this year.

Pop quiz, hotshot. There’s a bomb playing at your local movie theater or on your streaming service. If the studio executives fail to see its flaws, then there’s going to be a lot of complaints. What do you do?

It’s time for old CJ to take out the movie trash and pray that these movies will be on discount DVD shelves. Or maybe some of them or one of them will be part of cult followings. I’ll find out in ten years or so, but for now here are the ten worst films of 2024, and I bet you can predict my number 1 choice.

10.) “Joker: Folie a Deux”

I was a bit soft the first time I saw this sequel to the 2019 hit that gave Joaquin Phoenix his Oscar. But as time progresses and complaints are heard, you realize your dislikes have gone deeper. It bombed with fans (Cinemascore awarding it a “D”) because of its musical approach, while my complaints regard Lady Gaga as Harley Quinn and the cynicism that gives the ending a big FU. And as you can see, I’m a lot sadder.

9.) “My Spy: The Eternal City”

I never asked for a sequel to a movie that seems to combine “Cop and a Half” with “Paper Moon” by having Dave Bautista playing a CIA agent teaming up with a kid played by Chloe Coleman who seems to have Tatum O’Neal’s disposition. This time, we find them in Italy for another set of villains and exhausting coming-of-age formulas, since the girl is now a teenager. Questo seguito fa schifo. Translation: this sequel sucks.

8.) “Red One”

I’ve made my list and checked it twice, and this action holiday comedy is more naughty than nice. Let’s give Santa Clause a head of security in the form of Dwayne Johnson, pair him up with Chris Evans as a disenchanted hacker, spice their holiday spirits up with action comedy buddy movie cliches, forget that JK Simmons did a much better job voicing the holiday figure in “Klaus,” and spend $250 million on all these recycled and gimmicky looking sets, props and gags, as well as marketing costs. And this is me saying: “This is Ho Ho Horrible.” But I’m sure you’ve heard that before.

7.) “Immaculate”

Most critics liked this NEON horror film, but not me. I’m a big fan of elevated horror films, but this one, which likes to rip off “Rosemary’s Baby” and “Get Out,” is a cynical and routine mess. Sydney Sweeney (who will appear in something much worse on this list) plays a young nun, who becomes another Virgin Mary, but must deal with the sins of the church before she gives birth to something horrifically predictable.

6.) “Argylle”

Matthew Vaughn’s latest spy comedy has found better success on AppleTV+ than in theaters, but it still is one of his weakest entries on par with the latest “Kingsman” movies. In fact, plot twist, it takes place in the same universe. Bryce Dallas Howard has to play a secluded female Tom Clancy, finding herself in a real life spy movie, and of course, she tries to get out of it, but with Sam Rockwell or Henry Cavill (as she likes to imagine him) by her side and so many predictable and convoluted plot twists, how can she?

5.) “The Front Room”

I’m thankful, at least, that “Immaculate” didn’t resort to toilet humor or old ladies as aggravating and irritable as Solange (Kathryn Hunter) is in the worst A24 movie of the year. I’m no expert, but discriminating against her African-American stepdaughter-in-law (Brandy), biting her newborn baby, and abusing her stepson (Andrew Burnap) doesn’t make her a saint. Somebody should have institutionalized this woman a long time ago, and somebody should have shown this movie out the back door.

4.) “Jackpot”

Director Paul Feig has made some of the most brilliant comedies I have ever seen, but his latest comedy gambles and loses. The time is in the near future when the lottery requires people to murder the jackpot winner by sundown. The winner happens to be Awkwafina, and John Cena is her new bodyguard, and even before the hunt begins, almost everyone in the movie is vulgar and hostile. In fact, they’re irredeemable and exist in another comedy universe I’m glad I don’t live in. I love playing slot machines; I hate this movie so much.

3.) “Borderlands”

Yet another bad video game to movie adaptation, this one directed by Eli Roth and featuring a wasted cast of Cate Blanchett, Kevin Hart, Jack Black, and Jamie Lee Curtis, as well as a dismal visual world and some idiotic urine humor (There’s a place called “Piss Wash”). If “Mad Max” and “Guardians of the Galaxy” had a ménage à trois with “The Adventures of Pluto Nash,” then this would be that movie. It bombed at the box office due to its bad word of mouth and the popularity of “Deadpool & Wolverine” and “It Ends With Us,” and for that, I think Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively are America’s Sweethearts.

2.) “Unfrosted”

Jerry Seinfeld is one of my all-time favorite comedians, and a comedy about the creation of the Pop Tart could be a fun movie. But this felt like an SNL skit gone horribly wrong with a wasted supporting cast of Melissa McCarthy and Hugh Grant, cows farting as torture, and kids eating pastry out of the dumpster. You know what? This movie was practically recycling gags from his sitcom, and this is me saying: “No Soup For This Movie!” 

1.) “Madame Web”

Many comments have emerged from this Marvel bomb. It recycles a “Spider-Man 2” building shot, and acts like a teaser for a franchise that will never happen. But in my opinion is how it basically depicts women as selfish idiots or stupid jerks. Dakota Johnson, Celeste O’Connor, Isabela Merced, and Sydney Sweeney (Deja vu) all hit career lows as Johnson is a newbie psychic, who reluctantly must protect the other three from the clutches of an evil Spider Person who knows that they will all grow up to be the Spider Women who kill him. Are you following this? The title character can see the future, but she couldn’t predict that I would vote this movie as the worst film of the year.

Dishonorable Mentions

“Venom: The Last Dance,” “Kraven the Hunter,” “The Crow,” “Megalopolis,” “The Watchers,” “The American Society of Magical Negroes,” “Here,” “The Union,” “Harold and the Purple Crayon,” “Despicable Me 4,” “Bad Boys: Ride or Die,” “Poolman,” “Atlas,” “Lift,” “Dear Santa,” “Boy Kills World,” “No Way Up,” “Wildcat,” “Godzilla X Kong: The New Empire,” “Lisa Frankenstein,” “Saving Bikini Bottom: The Sandy Cheeks Movie,” “The Beekeeper”

The Bad Films I Skipped Skipped Skipped to My Lou, My Darling

“Night Swim,” “Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey 2,” “Miller’s Girl,” “Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate,” “Road House,” “Irish Wish,” “Breathe,” “Tarot,” “Mother of the Bride,” “Summer Camp,” “Not Another Church Movie,” “The Exorcism,” “Space Cadet,” “Divorce in the Black,” “The Fabulous Four,” “AfrAId,” “Reagan,” “The Killer’s Game,” “Uglies”