This was such a great year at movies, and due to my movie cleanse, I skipped some losers like “The Emoji Movie,” “Fifty Shades Darker,” and “Daddy’s Home 2,” but there still had to be some garbage for me to throw out. But I promise you “Justice League” isn’t on it, because I’ve enjoyed it more than these failures.
Let’s start with the Dishonorable Seven
17.) “The Comedian”
Robert De Niro has been making a lot of bombs lately, but at least this “really?” comedy was better than “Dirty Grandpa.”
16.) “Valerian & The City of a Thousand Planets”
Luc Besson’s latest has the makings of a Sci-Fi cult film like his 1997 film “The Fifth Element,” but this was too annoying and convoluted for me.
15.) “The Mountain Between Us”
The best Kate Winslet survival love story of all time is “Titanic.” This one just has her and Idris Elba walking down the cold mountain with nothing riveting going on.
14.) “The Circle”
The reviews were embargoed until opening day, but this social network mess gave Emma Watson and Tom Hanks dull roles. This was pointless.
What Jake Gyllenhaal, Rebecca Ferguson, and Ryan Reynolds have failed to figure out is that the more attacks and kills this alien makes, the bigger it gets.
12.) “The Layover”
This was a nasty chick flick that made its way to the internet, and I’m glad none of you have heard of this piece of crap.
11.) “Smurfs: The Lost Village”
It has cute new Smurfettes I admit, but I can’t tell if this is supposed to be a Smurf film or a marketing project by casting Demi Lovato and Julia Roberts.
And Now the Ten Worst of the Worst
10.) “The Great Wall”
Matt Damon is a great actor, but he has to battle a bunch of video game monsters attacking the Great Wall of China. This is the kind of flop that Nicolas Cage would star in. And even if it did star him, I probably should have skipped it.
9.) “Kingsman: The Golden Circle”
I’ve enjoyed the first movie with Colin Firth and Taron Egerton, but this sequel not only ruined the new co-stars Julianne Moore and Channing Tatum, but it was also CGI-overstuffed, annoying, and tiresome.
8.) “Rough Night”
Scarlett Johansson and Jillian Bell both did nothing wrong, but this still was an unfunny chick flick, and coming on the heels of “Ghostbusters” and “Office Christmas Party,” Kate McKinnon is one of SNL’s worst stars, period. She can voice cartoon characters, but so far, she can’t play human beings.
7.) “The Dark Tower”
We all love Idris Elba and Matthew McConaughey, but they’re both trapped in this mess, complete with lackluster narrative and bad acting.
6.) “A Bad Moms Christmas”
It’s another sequel to lack the pure joy and serenity of the original. Mila Kunis, Kristen Bell, and Kathryn Hahn are now joined by Cheryl Hines, Christine Baranski, and Susan Sarandon in what I’d like to personally call “A Remake in Disguise.
Apparently, 90% of TV hits can’t make it in the movies, and so we have a crass and pathetic disaster with Dwayne Johnson and pretty much everybody else picking on poor Zac Efron.
4.) “Transformers: The Last Knight”
The loud and bombastic action and bad acting in Michael Bay’s “Transformers: The Last Knight” turned my brain into a fried egg. Even my parents couldn’t stand the ride at Universal Studios, Florida. I told my dad he’s lucky he didn’t see this one.
But that’s not the end of my problems.
3.) “The Mummy”
Tom Cruise’s reputation was nearly ruined in this dreadful reboot of a fun remake of a classic monster movie, but at least he bounced back with “American Made.” And FYI, I just rode the “Revenge of the Mummy” ride at Universal Studios in Orlando, and that was scary as “sh*t” compared to this rotting corpse.
2.) “Fist Fight”
Ice Cube and Charlie Day star in this angry, stressful, irritable, mean-spirited, unhelpful, and unfunny fight comedy. Must every R-rated comedy be so mean? I posted “Avoid “Fist Fight” at all costs” on Facebook, and I’m glad a lot of you did.
1.) “The House”
Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler are both wasted in one of the most badly-acted, humiliating, idiotic, repulsive, ugly, and vile comedies Warner Bros. has ever produced. At the very least, it was skipped and forgotten by almost everybody else, so we’re probably never going to talk about it again.