The 20 Worst Films Before 2020

10 years of garbage-all should be sold on discount stands.

It’s time for me to end my nightmares by presenting to you my 20 unfavorites over the course of a decade. 

20.) “Independence Day: Resurgence” (2016)

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This 20-year-old sequel to the 1996 box office smash was nothing but a hunk of crap. And I didn’t even care for the original.

19.) “Sex Tape” (2014)

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Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel are both wasted as a married couple who want to regain their buzz, and thus this dreadful comedy has to rely on a sex montage, as well as whiny situations. Even Rob Corddry, Ellie Kemper, Rob Lowe, and Jack Black are wasted in this. What a used condom!

18.) “Jack and Jill” (2011)

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Adam Sandler, in double role as twins, didn’t even seem like he was trying to make a good movie. This was aimed for kids with too much adult content, and it was aimed for adults with too much childish content. Let’s face it: it’s not good for anyone. 

17.) R.I.P.D.” (2013)

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This is probably the worst “Ghostbusters” meets “Men in Black” splice ever conceived on film, with Ryan Reynolds and Jeff Bridges playing deceased law enforcers fighting the ugliest CGI monsters I’ve ever seen. I’m glad this was a box office bomb.

16.) “Fifty Shades of Grey” (2015)

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This love story, based on E.L. James’ novel, was so stupid, pointless, and unoriginal, that I skipped on its two sequels. The acting makes Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan sound lime they’re aliens who must follow the tradition that man is the most dominant and the woman is the piece of meat. Even their dialogue is generic. My sister watched this movie, and agrees this is horrible filmmaking.  

15.) “Transformers: Age of Extinction” (2014) and “The Last Knight” (2017)

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I couldn’t decide between “Age of Extinction” and “The Last Knight,” but it doesn’t really matter which one I chose. They’re both empty, typical Michael Bay stuff complete with bombastic action, poor acting, and no script.

14.) “Grown Ups 2” (2013)

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Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock, and David Spade stuck around for this sequel, filled with toilet humor, weird humans, and an incredible amount of mass stupidity. Thank God, we didn’t get a “Grown Ups 3.” 

13.) “Blended” (2014)

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Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore were back for the third time around, but it’s neither “The Wedding Singer” nor “50 First Dates.” It’s a mean, cold, loud, obnoxious, and insupportable splice of “Step by Step” and “The Brady Bunch.” 

12.) “Vacation” (2015)

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I’ll be saying this to a little kid one day: it’s important that when you grow up, don’t ever watch the Ed Helms “Vacation.” See the Chevy Chase “Vacation.” This rebooted trip to Wally World was such a miserable, ugly, hurtful, insulting, and degrading hunch of toilet waste. In fact, that’s what Ed Helms and Christina Applegate swam in. 

11.) “Hot Pursuit” (2015)

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Of all the turkeys the wonderful Reese Witherspoon has appeared in, this was, hands down, her absolute worst. Not only does she talk like a robotic cowgirl, but her co-star Sofia Vergara was so wasted, you actually wished she got shot in the movie. They’re both good in other shows and movies, but not here.

10.) “You Again” (2010)

I hated this movie for its mean-spirited behavior. Odette Yustman plays the former high school bully of Kristen Bell, who’s set to become her soon-to-be sister-in-law. And that applies for Bell’s mother (Jamie Lee Curtis) and Yustman’s aunt (Sigourney Weaver). What a horrible comedy! Not even a Betty White vs. Cloris Leachman cliffhanger could shake things up.

9.) “Movie 43” (2013)

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Chris Pratt, Anna Faris, Hugh Jackman, Kirsten Bell, Josh Duhamel, Elizabeth Banks, Jason Sudeikis, Live Schreiber, Justin Long, Richard Gere, and so many great actors-all of whom have suffered through a raunchy comedy with bodily fluids, male organs, and vile human beings. 

8.) “The House” (2017)

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Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler are both aggravating as stupid parents opening up an illegal casino to pay for their daughter’s college tuition. And what really peeves me off is their harsh choice of violence and their lack of common sense. And you’ll really loathe Nick Kroll’s freakout at the end.

7.) “Joyful Noise” (2012)

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Queen Latifah and Dolly Parton are both fabulous people; unfortunately, they’re were awful in this gospel comedy. Everything about it from the fighting to the parenting to the comedy is just sad and unhappy. 

6.) “Jupiter Ascending” (2015)

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Mila Kunis as a whiny Chicago housemaid plus Channing Tatum as her alien-hybrid hunk equals a major Sci-Fi disaster from the usually ambitious Wachowskis. This is like a roller coaster ride with restraints, and everything about it was lifeless. I wasn’t running out oxygen, I was running out of patience.

5.) “Dirty Grandpa” (2016)

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This was a disgusting comedy with Robert De Niro and Zac Efron both sinking into low territory. How could anyone find this movie funny, let alone entertaining? I ask you! It makes you wished you appreciated “Old School” and “Road Trip” more. I know I do. 

4.) “The Other Woman” (2014)

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For disliking this movie, I was accused of not liking chick flicks, and one of them-a 15-year-old boy-said: “With three beautiful women like that (Cameron Diaz, Leslie Mann, and Kate Upton), I’ve give it 5 out of 5.” That’s what sexism is.

I will not be accused of that ever again, because I admire chick flicks, as long as they’re given brains. This movie, however, made the actresses look like imbeciles, and the result was degrading.

And like “Sex Tape,” this was one of Diaz’s last movies before her retirement.

3.) “Horrible Bosses 2” (2014)

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I knew it would be a bad idea to do a sequel to such a hilarious movie. This movie was exceedingly mean and brain-damaged, and tainted such fine stars like Jason Bateman, Charlie Day, Jason Sudeikis, Jennifer Aniston, Chris Pine, and Christoph Waltz. Just be glad we didn’t get a “Horrible Bosses 3.”

2.) “The Boss” (2016)

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I try to move on from these things, but the dialogue and situations really attacked me emotionally. It’s an implausibly bad comedy, despite the presence of the hilarious Melissa McCarthy and the adorable Kirsten Bell. It was also directed by McCarthy’s husband Ben Falcone, proving that he’s better off acting than directing. 

But that McCarthy turkey was a picnic compared to what else she has created. 

1.) “The Happytime Murders” (2018)

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“Dirty Grandpa” and “Sex Tape” are both classics compared to this raunchy puppet comedy, which knows nothing about the relationship between humans and puppets. All it knows is that everybody, including the leading lady Melissa McCarthy, has to be nasty to one another. Movies like “Ted” and “Sausage Party” both have originality and courage, whereas “The Happytime Murders” was just joking the joke. It was the worst movie I saw in 2018, and it’s also the worst movie of the decade.

Let’s not forget, or let’s forget in this case, about the other losers of the decade.

“Love the Coopers,” “Venom,” “Morgan,” “Tammy,” “Sex in the City 2,” “This Means War,” “Vampire Academy,” “Into the Storm,” “The Hustle,” “Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2,” “Fantastic 4,” “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice,” “Hellboy,” “The Curse of La Llorona.” “Ted 2,” “Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising,” “Daddy’s Home,” “The Spy Who Dumped Me,” “Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom,” “Tag,” “Mortdecai,” “The Dark Tower,” “Fist Fight,” “The Mummy,” “Baywatch,” “Jonah Hex,” “Spy Kids: All the Time in the World,” “The Watch,” “Zoolander 2,” “The Brothers Grimsby,” “Night School,” “Ride Along 2,” “Splice,” “Maleficent: Mistress of Evil,” “Gemini Man,” “Suicide Squad,” “The 15:17 to Paris,” “Grown Ups,” “Machete Kills,” “Kick Ass 2,” “After Earth,” “The Host”

2 comments

  1. Ha. I liked it. Sadly/not sadly, I have only seen one or two of all the ones you mention but I like your writing

    You obviously do this a lot. I am starting out. Maybe you would take a look, maybe sign up? Consider a guest review, give me some tips on exposure etc.

    I love lists like this. Sadly, as a writer, I find you can flex your muscles a bit more in negative reviews, the vitriol and gusto required gives you the richest language and sharpest tone to use

    Please check us out. Would be honoured.

    http://www.nicelyput.co.uk

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