List

The Worst Films of 2019

CJ @ The Movies

Anne Hathaway, Charlie’s Angels, Hellboy, MIB, and Will Smith all bombed hard.

Aside from the dazzlers of 2019, I’ve also had a year of negativity with me complaining about how my least favorite flicks make money, because of the distinction between critics and audiences. It’s my duty to protect you all from the cinema’s trash, and that’s the whole point of my annual worst of the year list.

10.) “Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs and Shaw”

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Haven’t you grown exhausted of these “Fast & Furious” sequels and spin-offs? Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham are back in their iconic roles, but this movie was more of the same-tired jokes and a bombastic plot line. At least, Idris Elba stole the spotlight as the film’s human engineered villain.

9.) “Serenity”

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If you forgot about this Matthew McConaughey bomb from Baby New Year, well you’ve got the luck of the Irish. This is nothing more than a “Key Largo” erotic thriller spiked with a “Matrix” conclusion that defies all logic. Anne Hathaway and Jason Clarke are among the victimized co-stars in a ridiculous murder-for-hire scheme-set inside a computer game.

False Advertising!

8.) “Gemini Man”

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Will Smith was fine as both his middle-aged self and his younger Fresh Prince self; but the rest of this cloning drama from director Ang Lee was dull and lifeless. I miss the good old days when he made breathtaking masterpieces like “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon,” and “Life of Pi.”

7.) “Maleficent: Mistress of Evil”

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Disney remakes have been debatable these days as some like “The Jungle Book” take risks, while others like “The Lion King” fail to laugh in the face of danger. That also applies to this “Sleeping Beauty” spin-off sequel that not even Angelina Jolie (as the title lady) or Michelle Pfeiffer could save.

Even the scene when Maleficent denies a wedding blessing is inferior to Elsa’s rejection during the coronation party in “Frozen.”

6.) “Hellboy”

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Later in 2019, I saw “Jay & Silent Bob Reboot,” which shared its poetic views of sequels and reboots. Looks like the makers of this “Hellboy” retread need to learn something.

I’m riveted that this reboot bombed at the box office, because it made the fatal mistake of being R-rated. That means everything had to be gory, and David Harbor (as Ron Perlman’s would-be replacement) and Ian McShane both had to be nasty to one another. What a nightmare.

5.) “Charlie’s Angels”

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I was less than impressed with this new “Charlie’s Angels,” directed by Elizabeth Banks. The kindest word I can describe is is “boring,” as the new Angels (Kristen Stewart, Naomi Scott, and Ella Balinska) are trapped in a convoluted terrorist plot, complete with forgettable villains, lame humor, and women with less independence. 

Now, according to its low box office receipts, Banks accused male moviegoers of not wanting female action flicks. And I read a Facebook comment that explained how they wanted original ones like “Wonder Woman,” and not reboots like this bad comedy. I support his comment all the way through.

4.) “Angel Has Fallen”

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If you can’t see that Vice President Tim Blake Nelson was involved with Gerard Butler’s wrongful framing of assassinating President Morgan Freeman, then you call yourself an American? This sequel basically rips off “The Fugitive,” and almost every cliche-riddles scene is too irritable to watch.

3.) “Men in Black International”

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It’s bloody unlikely for Chris Hemsworth and Tessa Thompson to replace Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones as the new MIB agents, despite their charming work together in “Thor: Ragnarok.” This was also a comedy dead zone with lackluster writing and lame aliens.

Time to be neuralized.

2.) “The Curse of La Llorona”

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I don’t recall saying I like horror movies with loud noises and moronic characters; and that applies here. But that’s not the worst part. When the local priest draws a line of ancient seeds to prevent the film’s demon from getting the main children, a little girl leaves her toy on the other side, and makes the idiotic mistake of trying to get it. That’s how insipid it is.

1.) “The Hustle”

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How this dreadful feminine remake of “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels” and “Bedtime Story” saw the light of day is truly amazing. Anne Hathaway and Rebel Wilson are both aggravatingly wasted as two international con artists, who plan to get their money, even if it means humiliating themselves in the process. This was utter garbage.

Dishonorable Mentions

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“What Men Want,” “Godzilla: King of the Monsters,” “The Goldfinch,” “Replicas,” “Little,” “Greta,” “Under the Silver Lake,” “Dark Phoenix,” “Rambo: Last Blood,” “Stuber,” “Child’s Play,” “The Dead Don’t Die,” “The Lion King,” “Shaft,” “Ma,” “The Sun Is Also a Star,” “Tolkien,” “The Beach Bum,” “The Aftermath,” “Miss Bala,” “Polar,” “Glass,” “All is True”

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