“The Wrong Missy?” How about “The Wrong Movie to Stream?”
Because of how “Pixels” and “Blended” failed to make Adam Sandler’s Happy Madison production company big bucks like “Big Daddy” or “Happy Gilmore” did, his movies have lately been produced on Netflix, like “The Do-Over” or “Murder Mystery.” “The Wrong Missy” is the next one, and it’s just as bad as the trailers promote it.
There’s a scene about 20 minutes into “The Wrong Missy” when Missy (Lauren Lapkus) hopes to find a sea turtle in Hawaii and ride one, and some kids tell her that would be animal cruelty. She tells them to “Shut the @#% up” and I’m asking myself: why R-rated comedies have to solve their problems that way. “The Happytime Murders,” “Baywatch,” and “Coffee & Kareem” all believe that’s the solution to their problems, and the results are aggravating and tasteless.
You’re not supposed to drop the “F” bomb, because you’re in an R-rated movie. You’re supposed to say it with sincerity and emotion.
The reason she’s in Hawaii is because she was invited by a businessman named Tim Morris (David Spade), who accidentally texted her, instead of his dream girl-a pageant star (Molly Sims). She was his blind date, who was so obnoxious that he had to break his leg to try to escape from her clutches. If she’s so hectic, then why didn’t he block her, let alone delete her number from his phone?
Oh, and here’s another scene. Missy is about to jump off a cliff and into the ocean. She trips, falls, lands on a rock, falls, lands on a branch, falls, and lands on the sand. And yet, she’s still alive. How? I think because of the drinks she’s been guzzling. That and because the movie needed special effects to make it possible. Typical.
I remember seeing a woman so drunk that she landed on her knees, and fell flat on her face. Its was one of the most unbelievable things I’ve ever seen in my life. And you know why I believe it happened? Because no special effects were used. This was reality.
And here’s a running gag: characters vomit when you least expect them. Either they know the movie is horrible or they really are sick. I can’t tell.
Lapkus is almost as tastelessly bad as Terrence Little Gardenhigh in “Coffee & Kareem,” because of how she curses, freaks out, and makes stupid faces like Kate McKinnon. In fact, looking at her obnoxious performance, I almost felt sorry for my negative comments about McKinnon when she made that speech to Ellen DeGeneres at the Golden Globes about allowing her to express her lesbianism. I don’t care if you’re a fan of Lapkus, I still hated her movie.
Spade works better when he’s without Lapkus, because he’s more likable than she is. I met him a decade ago, and I told him one of the movies I loved him in was “The Emperor’s New Groove.” About his Emperor Kuzco character, he said: “He looks like me.” The point is you should see that, and skip “The Wrong Missy.”
And if you want to see a romantic comedy about mismatched characters, then see Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock in “The Proposal,” and not Spade and Lapkus. Of course, they’re suppose to end up liking each other; it’s the law of these types of rom-coms.
Available on Netflix