Zack Snyder’s worst movie in years has just gotten started.

If “Jupiter Ascending,” both versions of “Dune” (the bad and the great), and “Star Wars” had an orgy, and one of them got pregnant, then “Rebel Moon-Part One: A Child of Fire” would be one deformed child. I saw this movie at the Paris Theater in NYC during its one week theatrical release, and the format was Ultra Panavision 70MM. As you know my saying on my website: “I care less about the format and more about whether the movie is good or not.” Even if I choose to watch this on Netflix on my MacBook Pro at home in my bedroom, it still would have sucked.

Let’s start with a shot of a planet that looks like a cheap screensaver in the background of another planet which is part of the galaxy known as the Motherworld. It becomes an evil empire under the establishment of the Imperium, while there are those willing to fight back. Rebels, if you will. Hence the title: “Rebel Moon.” There’s also an independent planet of farmers, who are greeted by the Imperium’s enforcer Atticus Noble (Ed Skrein), whose scenes are repetitive as he talks big with the people he is about to predictably kill. Not very noble of him.

On this humble planet, there’s a girl who used to be from the Imperium and now lives a simple life as a farmer. That is until the empire has gone too far, and must prepare to find a team to fight back. Her name is Kora (Sofia Boutella), and she can handle rapists better than she can handle her dialogue.

There’s a variety of characters, consisting of her friend Gunnar (Michiel Huisman), who didn’t want his leader (Corey Stoll) to make any irrational decisions; the mercenary Kai (Charlie Hunnam), who doesn’t seem trustworthy; the former general Titus (Djimon Hounsou), who has developed cynicism; the blacksmith Tarak (Staz Nair), who trains a griffin to kill his captor; the cyborg Nemesis (Doona Bae), who has to use red lightsabers to kill a spider humanoid (Jena Malone); and the warrior siblings Darrian (Ray Fisher) and Devra Bloodaxe (Cleopatra Coleman), who are both reluctant about joining the party.

Denis Villeneuve is able to present “Dune” in two parts, and we’ll see the second half in a few months. But so far, he presented the first half with intelligence, strong performances, and a world full of visionary wonder. Zack Snyder has made some fresh entertainment in the past (“Watchmen,” “300,” etc.), but so far, he makes “Rebel Moon” something we could care less about, and talk about how desperate he seems in making a Sci-Fi epic. It plays like a book on Sci-Fi movies. What are they supposed to have, who the target audience is supposed to be, and who cares if people who aren’t into the genre don’t understand the story?

Some of the hairstyles look like something out of “Battlefield Earth,” some of the “Star Wars” influences are obvious, a robot named Jimmy (with the voice of Anthony Hopkins) has to be pushed into a pile of horse crap, and it becomes derivative with the wars and the fighting. And does Noble have to look like a Nazi like Christian Friedel’s Rudolf Hoss in “The Zone of Interest?” I know Snyder didn’t see it as he was filming “Rebel Moon,” but some of us see independent and international films.

I would have walked out of this early at the theater, but this is only the first part. The second part (“Part Two: The Scargiver”) will be out in April, and the third movie has yet to be made. In the meantime, Boutella, Hunnam, Huisman, and all these talented actors can do better than succumb to whatever the Hell we’re watching. It’s nothing we haven’t seen before.

This Galaxy Far Far Away isn’t far enough away from me.

☠️ Posion for the Mind (O/4)

Streaming on Netflix Tonight