Sharks on a Plane? Me No Think So.

There’s one thing riveting about “No Way Up.” The production design of the airplane sinking at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. At this very moment, there is an air pocket, enough to last for a few hours, and the water is rising faster the deeper the plane goes. It almost reminds me of how amazing the landing sequence was in “Sully,” when the plane had to land in the Hudson River and begins to sink. And the lighting from the floor lights makes it blue enough for my tastes.

But for a movie to combine planes with sharks, it sure is boring and derivative. I’d rather deal with “Snakes on a Plane” than the cliches presented here.

Let’s start with the plane. Why would an airport still have an old plane that is guaranteed to damage itself in the air? It’s probably so old, that nobody bothered to fill up some backup oxygen tanks. Not even Sully Sullenberger could fly or land it safely.

At least the movie lasts for about 90 minutes, because it’s basically the same for a majority of the running time, when characters are standing around hoping for a rescue team to come, and then get eaten by sharks. How did we not see them coming?

I have no involvement with any “Meg” or “Sharknado” movies. So, my all time favorite “Jaws” ripoff would be “Deep Blue Sea,” in which scientists in an underwater facility have tested on three sharks to find a cure for Alzheimer’s. Only for the sharks to be smart enough to flood the facility, and attack them. Sure, it has its flaws, but it still is more exciting than anything going on in “No Way Up.”

The few surviving passengers include a Governor’s daughter named Ava (Sophie McIntosh), her friends Kyle (Will Attenborough, grandson of Richard Attenborough) and Jed (Jeremias Amoore), her bodyguard Brandon (Colm Meaney), a Mexican flight attendant named Danilo (Manuel Pacific), a war nurse named Mardy (Phyllis Logan from “Secrets & Lies” and “Downton Abbey”) and her granddaughter Rosa (Grace Nettle). And none of them have originality in their character developments. In fact, Kyle has to insult Danilo, who retaliates by deliberately spilling some beer on him. But, at least, they’re able to set aside their differences towards the end.

“No Way Up” is distributed by RLJE Films, which is an independent studio, and as far as I know, only small theaters will be playing this film, I suppose, as a B movie special. But this film is too dull and wet to even qualify in that genre. Again, it’s the production design of the sinking plane that works and has me looking at it; the sharks and the people, not so much.

I only watched this movie, because the trailers, at least, made it look interesting, more interesting than “The Meg.” This is one of those cases when the trailers look better than the actual movie. But then again, we did know it would be a crappy movie.

In Select Theaters This Friday