Questo seguito fa schifo. Translation: this sequel sucks.

The first “My Spy” from 4 years ago was supposed to go to theaters, but got placed on Amazon Prime Video, thanks to the COVID pandemic. That film, however, I thought was another lame “Cop & a Half” rip-off (with “Coffee & Kareem” being the aggravatingly worst version) with “Paper Moon” dispositions. That meant that Dave Bautista as C.I.A. agent J.J. must have a young girl named Sophie played by Chloe Coleman as his new partner, and that means Coleman has the disposition of Tatum O’Neal.

Now, we have the sequel “My Spy: The Eternal City,” which is also streaming on Amazon Prime Video, is still directed by Peter Segal (“The Longest Yard,” “Get Smart”), and still stars Bautista as J.J. and Coleman as Sophie, and still has the same recurring gags of wisecracks and slapstick. This time, however, we find them in Italy where new global terrorists emerge and where genetic birds have to launch themselves at J.J.’s crotch and make his boss David Kim (Ken Jeong) scream. Ha, ha.

They’re in Italy because Sophie is part of a school choir tour, which is set to perform at the Vatican, and J.J. is her chaperone. The girl is now a teenager, which means she can plan the perfect moment to ask the jock Ryan (Billy Barratt) to the homecoming dance, and often sneak off with him and her loyal friend Collin (Taeho K). And that means J.J. has to play the parent, who knows how to catch a runaway. In fact, he would rather lead a simple life as an analyst and family man than an ass-kicking hero.

Then, Collin gets kidnapped by a group of men led by the muscle Crane (Flula Borg), as he is David’s son, and there’s a connection between them that set things off dramatically. Of course, there would.

There are some beautifully photographed shots of Italy from time to time, but “My Spy: The Eternal City” joins “Mafia Mamma” and “Fast X” in a trend of disrespecting the country and its values. For example, the choir students are more interested in their phones than some of Italy’s greatest monuments on the bus tour. Not even J.J’s jokes can wake them up. And apparently, it’s supposed to be funny when he accidentally breaks some street trinkets, and the sellers are yelling at him. He does respond with “How much do I owe you?”

I am so glad “Coffee & Kareem” never sparked a franchise, because I hated that movie very much. But I don’t know why we needed a “My Spy” sequel, because there’s nothing genuinely fresh or original about the Bautista and Coleman characters. Bautista has proven himself to be more than Drax and Coleman’s most likable performance comes in “Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves,” but they’re still derivative and annoying in this sequel. And so is the story, which has a predictable hidden villain and the jock being revealed as a cowardly jerk. There should be a book: “How to Follow Movie Formulas.”

But the worst performance has to come from Kristen Schaal (who is much better in the “Toy Story” franchise and “Bob’s Burgers” than here) reprising her role as the tech operator Bobbi, who exercises Roger Ebert’s “Fingernails of the Blackboard” effect and has to form a romantic chemistry with David Kim. It has to be fake and then it has to be real. I wish this franchise was fake.

Streaming on Amazon Prime Video Tomorrow